Onward, into the fog!

Posted: September 6, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Two days ago, my wife Karen did her first chemotherapy treatment, and now we have the joy of waiting for the side effects to kick in; we have read everything, which means we know probably less than we did before, but have so much to be anxious about now…I call it “the uncertainty cloud”. Nothing is for sure, the range of possibilities is vast and overwhelming, and sometimes it’s just easier not to think. We are both very typical Type A people, and being out of control in situations is so hard to deal with. This is where strong faith in God has been the lifeline, the only constant in a whirlwind of confusion and change. Being two different people, we each experience that differently. Today I want to talk a little about my own outlook; next week I will interview Karen and let her share her perspective.

Karen has taken to telling people that I have “cancer of the wife”, and I find that to be an oddly appropriate description. I love my wife, in the most desperate, urgent, all-encompassing sense of that word…second only to God, there is nothing and no one more vital to my existence.  The idea that she may go home to glory before me, leaves me torn and anxious: of course I would never want to hold her back form the joy of being in the presence of the Lord, but I’m not done with her yet! So to see her fighting this disease leaves me at wit’s end most of the time. I trust God, even when His plans don’t look like mine;  and I know that He is in control of everything; and He is not required to give an accounting to anyone, least of all me. But trusting God means that I have to get off His throne and let Him reign, and that goes against all human nature, and brother, I am neck-deep in my human nature!

 

So what does this mean to me? It means that I get to experience peace, the kind of peace promised in the bible. You may know the verse – Philippians 4:6-7:

 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

 

This is a conditional promise, which many teachers do not point out: peace only comes when we give our worries to God, in expectation that He is willing and able to take care of them. God is such a gentleman, He will not force His grace upon us. We are free to hold on to ALL our trouble, if we want to…but that is surely NOT the path to peace. For myself, I have decided that grace is better than stress, and so I will gladly lay my stress at the foot of the cross, and accept His grace in its place. I would also strongly recommend this to you, Constant Reader, because He really does love you, and only awaits your acceptance of Him to make you complete. Won’t you?

 

Following hard after Him,

Nicky

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