Learning to “Let go and let God…”

Posted: September 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
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It’s Thursday of a treatment week, and that means it is relatively peaceful in the house tonight. Karen spends most of her day in bed during this week – the combined side effects of eight different medications leaves her pretty much exhausted just sitting up.  So, I spend the majority of the evening at my desk, listening to her sleep, and writing…and praying.

Prayer has become a wonderful thing to me…meaning I spend a lot of time wondering about it.  I have “discovered” something life-changing about prayer I never realized before, and maybe you never did either. Follow my reasoning, if you will… Since God is omniscient and eternal, He already knows what I am going to pray; in fact He has known since before I was born, before the earth was created. This belief creates a wonderful intimacy, because I cannot control His opinion of me by what I  tell Him about me – He already knows exactly who I am and what I have done, and He will still have to do with me in spite of that, actually BECAUSE of that! That just blows me away, to experience such acceptance and love unconditionally…and it shames me when I don’t love Him back the same way.
What’s that? A Christian who doesn’t love God? Heresy! No, just a ruthlessly honest self-appraisal: I do not love God unconditionally, at least not all the time. In truth, I don’t love anyone unconditionally, all the time. I know this to be true because of how often I find myself angry at the very people I should be loving, because they let me down in some way. They broke a promise, or said something mean, or made a choice that went against me in some way, and I take it as a personal affront. I become resentful. I withdraw, lest I get disappointed again. In short, I stop loving them. It’s not only people, I treat God the same way, any time He isn’t performing up to MY satisfaction. I become forgetful, losing count of all He has already done to demonstrate who He is, because my eyes are filled with my own image, not His. And grace overcomes even this. He is patient, waiting out my rants, my whining, my complaining, my blaming…yes, I take all this before Him, because I know He already knows; because it is safe to rage and roar and weep and wail before Him, He isn’t surprised at my behavior, He already saw this from the beginning, and still He waited for me to reach this place, this time. Then, once I am spent, and empty of myself, and still and silent…He speaks to me. He forgives me. He loves me, and He heals my ragged heart; He fills my empty cup; He lifts my burdens, and places His yoke upon me, and it is light to bear. I am blessed, because I follow Him, and accept His love for me.
I did not learn this kind of prayer all at once. There were years of talking at God, then talking to God, before I began to learn how to talk with God. I am not done learning: the most important lesson so far is that there is always more to learn. The second most important lesson was the real meaning behind the title of this post – letting go, and letting God. We must let go of delusions of control, of pride, of anything which our hands grasp on to, before we will be able to let God love us like He wants to. I just wrote a whole bunch of words to say the same thing that the Apostle Paul manages to say in just two verses, so I will give him the last word, from Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Following hard after Him,


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