Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

Posted: October 23, 2012 in Uncategorized
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If you’ve been here before today, or following me on Twitter or Facebook, you already know the last week has been filled with emotion; and in all honesty I am not going discuss the situation in public any further at this time. I have done so to some extent, and I fear the reactions have been unprofitable for anyone. Therefore, while I cannot ignore the 800-pound gorilla camping out in my life, I am not required to attend to it. Moving on…

The 8000-pound gorilla of cancer was here first, anyway…remember that one? The one sitting on the couch, eating gorging itself on all of our money, time, attention and opportunities as fast at it can gobble them up? Yep, it’s still here, still hungry…but getting easier to manage with practice. That is something I didn’t expect…I knew that we would get used to the regimen, but not that it would start being, well, boring. Yes, I am painfully aware that I have the easy end of this fight; she is the one getting poisoned on a schedule…I would give anything to trade places, but that is not how God wants me to be. I need to be content in Him, in any circumstances (including the ones where I “just” watch my loved ones being tortured), and in the bible the Apostle Paul goes to great lengths to remind us of the blessings available to those who love God: grace, peace, joy. I pray for these things; I have even preached about them…so why am I unsatisfied when it happens? The grace of God has been more than sufficient for our needs; the money situation is under control (not great, but stable…good enough, and more than I deserve – I have a long history of trusting money more than God); Karen’s doctors are thrilled at how well she has tolerated chemo; and the long dreary spell at work with short hours but uncertainty aplenty has ended – I now have enough responsibility to occupy myself, and opportunities to demonstrate the claims I have been making to my bosses about how we can improve processes, and why I should be leading that. So what’s the problem?

The problem is…with all that going on, and God firmly in control of all of it, so I can focus and perform my duties effectively… why am I not content? What is it that makes me actively seek out more ways to do, to go, to serve? I think I know,  it’s an old acquaintance of mine named Impatience, and his entourage: Arrogance, Blame, and Contempt – I thought I had seen the last of this motley crew, but it seems they were waiting another chance to get back to work clouding my judgement, whispering in my ear that I don’t need counsel, I have all the information I need to do what needs to be done. This has never been true in the past, when I have listened to the whispers; but by grace God has blessed me with some valuable gifts: a smidgen of discernment,  a wife with much more wisdom than I have, and a score of true Godly men and women to call me on BS, and encourage me when I am on the right track.  I am a rich man indeed!

So, I remind myself to let up on the throttle (not off of it, there is work to do) and allow God’s time to happen, to be the wise servant diligent in my tasks, so as not to be caught unaware when my Lord returns. Contentment does not just happen; it must be an intentional act of my will to accept Jesus’ invitation:

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

-Matthew 11:28-30

I accept, Jesus…I accept.

Following hard after Him,

Nicky

Comments
  1. denise garza says:

    Dear nick my prayers are with you and Karen .there are not enough words to express how i feel .i just keep in mind the book of job. None of can say how she feels ,love yall